October 29, 2020
The concept of empathy has become ubiquitous in corporate culture — though some would argue that it’s just a trend.
On a societal level, though, we’re dealing with an empathy crisis — and as creatives, the solution’s in our hands.
What is empathy?
Psychologists and empathy specialists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have broken empathy down into not just one definition, but three different types.
Cognitive empathy is understanding what another human being is feeling, and potentially what they are thinking. Having cognitive empathy leads to better communication, negotiation, and motivation.
Emotional empathy is actually feeling what another person feels, whether that is joy or pain. We may feel the same whether we experience the emotion or whether we see someone else experience it. Daniel describes this as emotional contagion, which could be attributed to the mirror neuron concept.
Compassionate empathy is both understanding a person’s situation and feeling for them, ultimately resulting in some kind of action.
What empathy isn’t
Empathy isn’t simply a soft skill, a fluffy feel-good term, or a tool for business. Empathy also isn’t about becoming so absorbed in a person or a situation that you let others take advantage of you.
Katherine Bell, former editor of Harvard Business Review, put it eloquently when she described her experience with empathy.
“I’ve learned that empathy isn’t about being nice or tolerant. It’s not about feeling sorry for people or giving them the benefit of the doubt. It’s an act of imagination in which you try to look at the world from the perspective of another person, a human being whose history and point of view are as complex as your own.”
Empathy in action
Empathy is an absolutely critical piece of a productive and functioning relationship.
It’s the driving force of my business; I run Make a Mark, an organization bringing together altruistic creators and innovative humanitarian organizations. We hold 12-hour design and development make-a-thons benefitting local nonprofit organizations.
We learned early on that empathy is critical to the make-a-thon process, and we still take care to nurture that element of all the make-a-thons we run. Our projects are successful because of the depth of the relationships, community, and, ultimately, a strong sense of empathy beginning with the organizers.
As part of this, we work with site leaders around the globe to help craft the events. These site leaders are our eyes on the ground, working to build the perfect event for their specific community with our guidance and framework.
These two groups often have no understanding of how the other functions. Makers might talk about wireframes and vector files and hosting, while nonprofit leaders might talk about line items or tax codes or grant monitoring.
Our role is to facilitate successful brainstorming and build mutual respect — through empathy. While being empathetic leads to a more understanding, caring, and actionable society, it also leads to better results.
Success comes from understanding who we work with — and for.
That is why in 12 hours, maker teams can craft something that would normally take months to create. They dig in so deeply with such open hearts and minds that the result is also always magical — often leaving nonprofits and makers in tears.
Create a better workflow
Understanding your coworkers is a key function of empathy in the workplace.
In the US, we spend roughly 1/3 of our adult life at work — meaning we spend more of our waking hours with our coworkers than our family members.
While this is a trend that I certainly hope changes, with more remote companies and the opportunity to start our own initiatives, this means that finding ways to collaborate effectively and positively with our coworkers is key to our success and our happiness.
Being able to deeply relate to your clients is an essential element of empathy. In our relationships with nonprofits, we understand that their working lives are very different than our lives, or the lives of a designer in New York or developer in San Francisco; nonprofit employees often spend their days underpaid, under-resourced, and scrutinized by grant monitors, all while attempting to serve their populations.
While we are the experts on design and development for these organizations, these individuals are also experts in their fields — and we have a lot that we can learn from them.
In 2016, at our second make-a-thon in Virginia, we were meeting with an organization providing temporary housing to the homeless during the cold winter months. They applied for the make-a-thon needing a new website, and when we met with them and their maker team we were prepared to craft a sleek, feature-rich website. It became clear, however, after a few minutes of talking to their representative, that the real need was getting the information about the shelter to those experiencing homelessness — most of whom don’t have computers.
But they do have smartphones.
We immediately scrapped the idea of a stylish and robust website and decided to focus on something hyper-simple and incredibly mobile-friendly.
If we hadn’t paused to understand what the person experiencing homelessness was feeling and thinking (cognitive empathy), felt the struggle of that individual to find a place to stay (emotional empathy), and re-thought our whole approach to creating their website (compassionate empathy), then we wouldn’t have brought a useful, relevant solution for the nonprofit and their population in dire need.
So how do we actively build empathy? Is there any way to actually increase our empathy, especially in our work? Absolutely!
Too often we assume that we know the answer to questions from past experiences; that we know what a person is like and how they will act. Alternatively, we may view someone as so different from us that there is no way that we could collaborate or reach a common ground.
By asking questions, we challenge existing notions and increase our cognitive empathy.
A few examples: How does this situation make you feel? What is the outcome you are hoping for? Can you explain your perspective to help me understand?
Of course, it isn’t just about the question that you ask; it’s also about the way that you ask it. Make sure that you approach the other calmly and openly so they don’t feel attacked or criticized.
Listen, really listen
Asking questions is easy, but listening can be hard — because we regularly listen for the answers we want to hear.
Listening requires both your eyes and your ears. You can learn a lot from someone’s body language. Are they tense? Why are they tense? Is it because this topic is uncomfortable to them? If so, why? This leads to additional questions.
By listening, asking questions, and listening some more, we’re able to extend our cognitive empathy.
Consider outside factors (and leave your ego at the door)
Listening with both senses gives us insight into who people are — and why they are that way.
Maybe a coworker walks into the office in the morning and ignores your hello. This doesn’t mean that you are the cause of their frustration, even if you are the recipient of it.
I recall a time in a past job that a coworker that I worked closely with was consistently sending terse emails to me about materials that she was waiting for. These emails came frequently and often for no reason, straining our relationship. I dismissed this coworker as hostile and limited interactions with her, leading to poor collaborations and sub-par results.
I eventually spoke to another coworker about the situation and was informed that she was working to maintain her composure while her father was struggling with a chronic illness.
This opened my eyes to the vast situations that we all experience and improved my emotional empathy. I asked myself how I would maintain my positive attitude and interactions with coworkers while someone I loved deeply was struggling physically? How would I want my coworkers to treat me?
Allow time for reflection
Reflection is something that I personally value immensely. Anytime I am part of a meeting that I am not leading myself, I am radio silent.
Ok, maybe not radio silent, but I like to listen and take in the information, digest it and return with my perspective.
Not everyone works like this, and not everyone should; if they did, meetings would be a bunch of people sitting around a table staring at each other. This reflection period, however, has its place — and certainly a role in building empathy.
We take in a lot of information every day, navigating complicated personal and professional relationships with coworkers and clients. With all that thinking, we need to spend some time reflecting — to better understand, navigate, and nurture those relationships.
With some thoughtfulness and a lot of care, empathy can be yours.
This doesn’t mean you need to do something right at this moment, but keep in mind the outside forces, the internal struggles, and the predispositions of those you’re working with.
Ask questions, listen, and reflect. Then, do what you believe is right — for your company, for your work, for others and for yourself.